Dating versus Hanging Out

The Dating culture is different in different regions, but overall dating has a different meaning than it used to. My professor was telling me about how the dating culture was when he was in college. He explained how the norm was to go on many dates with different people.

Dating is a way to meet many different people, gain experiences, learn more about yourself, learn how to do new things, and practice being a good spouse by developing and practice skills and characteristics such as kindness, patience, and listening. The proclamation “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” written by the first presidency of the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints lists three responsibilities of men. Men provide, preside, and protect. Dating is a perfect opportunity to practice these three things. Dallin Harris Oaks explained in an article titled “Dating versus Hanging Out” three things that constitute a date. First, the date is planned. A date should have thought put in it and should try to be creative, demonstrate good listening skills by listening what the other person liked to do, but the date does not need to cost a lot of money. Next, the date is paid for. The date is paid for by the person who did the asking. Keep in mind that a date doesn’t need to include money, but the person who asks needs to provide resources needed. Last, a date is paired off, meaning that it’s set who you’re going with. That way, theirs no confusion and there’s no competition going on.

One definition of hanging out is when you go with a group of friends together in some group activity. In addition, hanging out requires no commitment on either end and is often consumed by media, and killing time or homework study sessions. An example is when the female cooks’ dinner and the male arrive with a $2 movie from Red Box ready to watch the movie. In this instance, the female is providing, and the couple is not able to practice skills such as communication and get to know each other.

The “Ram” Model is able to explain the order of four different aspects needed for a relationship. There is:

You must first, know a person in order to trust them. After you trust them you rely on them and then you commit to them, but the last thing is physical touch. It’s important that this order is maintained and it remained in this balanced manner. If for example touch is higher than knowing a person, which is often caused by hanging out too much or having nicmos instead of going on dates to get to know the other person, you’re setting yourself up to be committed and exclusive because you feel attached which is confused with love. Touch is like glue and sex is like super glue. This is very common for women due to oxytocin which is produced by the uterus. Women feel more bonded after physical touch than men because of oxytocin, which men don’t have. It tricks your brain to feel bonded and attached. The more frequently you have make-out sessions etc., the more you feel connected, which is extremely unhealthy for your relationship without knowing the person and having the other necessary traits at the correct levels.

While discussing the nonexistent dating culture with a guy friend, he expressed how people date with eyes of marriage or with wanting only to hang out and have the physical touch. After one or two dates, they want to be exclusive or on the other hand, they want to make out or have sex.

It’s up to you whether you want to break out of that culture and experience the joy of dating before you get married!