Separation and Divorce

This is a topic that I am passionate about because I’ve seen it happen all around me especially with my family and friends parents. It is interesting to note that 70% of divorced people 2 years after the divorce say that could have and wished they saved their marriage and most likely could have with the proper help. Seventy percent is a number much higher number then I would have expected, but it makes sense when you don’t have the doctrine, mindset, and knowledge that members of the church of Jesus Christ have regarding the importance of marriage, family, the atonement of Jesus Christ and working together as a couple to heal wounds and make things better. Dallin H Oaks said “He therefore knows our struggles our heartaches our temptations and our suffering… And because of this, His atonement empowers Him to succor us to give us the strength to bear it all.” It’s also interesting to note that 70% of divorced men, remarry. In addition, divorced fathers who have children from the age 12-15, live approximately 400 miles away. Most people think that it’s dads fault, but it’s actually mom who moves away. In regards to children custody, there are two terms that are important to know. Joint Legal refers to dad gets to make choices involving children Ex: medical, school. Next, we have physical custody, where let’s say mom is where the child resides. 

There are two different stories I’d like to share with you, to help you ponder of the different divorce scenarios. There was a couple that got married. They had been best friends for 12 years and were completely in love with each other. It was okay for several years, but then it started going downhill after that. After a couple kids, the stresses of life like a couple of kids, law school, jobs, debts, connecting became hard and their goals became more and more different from each other. The wife felt like she was the one meeting his needs and she wasn’t being emotionally or spiritually fed. The husband then got addicted to prescription drugs and it got pretty bad to the point where he needed to stop and he did, but the withdrawal effects are scary and horrible, but after that, he got dysphoria which is when one feels depressed, with an emotional detachment, feeling unhappy, unwell, or uneasy. He emotionally disappears for years and so the wife started to find that emotional connection other places like with friends and family. And she was raised with the idea that you never get divorced, and she felt that this was her trial in life. She is also a divorce attorney-mediator, so she understood divorce and understood how hard it is. But eventually he left her, and she was able to start living again and find her happiness in other places.

The second story is about a couple who were very much in love who decided to get married. They were happily married for 10 years with three beautiful children. But then, she lost her part-time job and he lost his full-time job. And he received a great opportunity to be an insurance adjuster for 18 months at a time. She felt like a single mom to raise her family on her own. And after a while, it was like they were two complete strangers and when he came back it felt like she was living with someone that she didn’t need anymore. They decided to get married after 13 years of marriage. They started seeing a couples therapist after the divorce to know how to help their children. The pain of the divorce was horrific. After a few times with the therapist, the therapist called them out on being “very stupid because these are things you could have fixed before with help.” The therapist advised them to go on a date and so they did. They started flirting together, and being silly and fell in love with each other again, they then decided to remarry once again, and they lived happily ever after.

The difference between these two stories is the 30% versus 70%. In the first story you see where the divorce was probably the correct choice due to the circumstance and well being for the couple individually. This was the example of 30% of those who do not think they made a mistake in getting a divorce. The second story is an example of the 70% of those who wish and knew they could save their marriage. This couple realized through their therapist that they could resolve their issues and marriage and they did. Be aware of what situation you are in.