Understanding Relationships

We don’t simply marry someone just because of love. It’s more than that.

There are some things that are important to me in a romantic relationship. Such as appreciating the kind of person he/she is. You have to like each other in order to love them when things aren’t bright and cheerful. You should consider them as your best friend, you should want to be with them, want to talk to them in general over other people, and want to be friends even if not married. You need to commit to each other and sometimes recommit to each other. When I refer to recommitting with each other I mean not only committing to “the institution of marriage”, but also to each other. You need both. Working on not breaking up without working towards how you feel and interact with each other will not cut it. Marriage works through working out problems and moving forward. Sometimes you’ll take one step forward and two steps backward, but that’s okay as long as you work through it. “It’s not a longing search for magical equality”. Respect and love equal hard work towards marriage. In a relationship, it’s important to learn how to handle conflicts in a positive and constructive way. It’s not just about finding the perfect person who will make you feel lovely and happy, other positive factors play a part. Finding someone who loves you and cares about you is what you deserve, it’s what everyone deserves. By working together and commit your heart and mind to your relationship and to your significant other, you can create a mutually satisfying life! But your relationship must require action on both ends. Having similar values, although not complementary roles is important in order to have a compatible relationship.

I have recently had my heart broken by a person I thought I was going to marry. I am still madly in love with him, but it’s important for me to realize that the person who I will marry someday, will love me and care about me, will be my best friend and will constantly have the desire to be with me and talk to me, it won’t be a question in his mind. We don’t always understand why a relationship isn’t working, and theories help us to understand why. Why things are the way they are and why things happen. To understand the many phenomena’s that occur in social situations, such as relationships, we must understand these four theories.

1.     1. Systems Theory refers to how individuals work together as a team and have a positive impact on each other resulting in negative outside forces not affecting them. It’s interesting how individuals don’t naturally act based on their cognitive abilities, but on an emotional level. This is why we must work on developing our cognitive function to learn to not only act through our emotions. Second, it’s important to establish your individuality because family systems can have a big influence on your character and behavior in positive ways, but also extremely negative ways. Unhealthy patterns of behaviors can be passed down to you and can be the cause of many problems. For example, I am an over worrier and I got that from my family. This caused many problems in life, but after I realized it, I was able to work on it and fix it.

2.     2. Exchange Theory is the “You owe me one” theory. As human beings, we always try to keep our costs lower than our rewards. Costs can be seen as time, money, emotional energy, etc. In my last relationship, he felt that the cost of talking to me and spending time with me was higher than the reward. This led to the realization that he didn’t see me as more than a friend which meant the cost of being in a relationship was higher than the reward.

3.      3. Symbolic Interaction Theory recognizes shaped by experiences and interactions. Interactions and experiences can change how we think and feel. It influences the way we perceive situations having an outcome on the way you act and view your relationships. For me, I tend to misread and misinterpret things such as body language, phrases, etc. which can lead to harmful effects on a relationship. Often, I mindread and interpret what others say by thinking “that means” or “this Is what she/he’s thinking”, which is unhealthy.

4.      4. Conflict theory refers to how there must be a good guy and a bad guy. It caused by contradicting and different interests, goals, and needs. This can mean that because what someone is looking for cannot be satisfied or available, then not everyone can be satisfied. I know of a couple who continually try to prove who is right and wrong and who has the power in the home and creates unhappiness and stubbornness.

These four theories have answered questions to problems that I have in my life, and for that, I am thankful.