Communication and Decision Making

Have you ever considered words as symbols? No? Well, you should start because we have to decode words and interpret them.

There are many forms of communication. Some examples are face to face, phone call, text, FaceTime, email, mail, letters, notes, etc. It’s interesting to note that when receiving message words mean 14%, the tone the person uses is 35%, and the nonverbal cues given is 51%. Examples of nonverbal cues are body language, emotions when the other person doesn’t hear or listen, assumptions we make.

When it comes to marriage, we need to communicate not just clear that we can be understood but so clearly that we cannot be misunderstood.

In addition, David Burns wrote a book titled Feeling Good Together. In his book, he gives five levels of communication.

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1. David Disarming technique: helping ppl not to get defensive. Finding And focus on the kernel of truth in what they said. Pop it up into popcorn. Make it palatable so you can talk about it. Especially if the other person seems unreasonable.

A good marriage is not natural. It’s supernatural.

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      2. Express empathy: Thought Feelings. You have to express it.

3       Inquiry: Did I get that right? I would like to hear more

4     3. I feel statement: Contrast to YOU statements

When ______situation or event_

I feel (felt) __Emotion__________

Because ____Thought__________

I would like__Hope/Desire______

5    5. Storing. Express Admiration Appreciation. Showing an increase of love. Make sure they know you love them. They have to see it nonverbally and in tone. You can’t just say it.

You are never going to be hurt more than your marriage partner. Even if someone who isn’t your partner said the same thing, it won’t hurt you the same way.

In addition, a common problem is the use of sarcasm. When you use sarcasm, you’re sending a surface message and underlying message. It’s a form of lying. One of the most damaging things to do. You have no examples of Christ using sarcasm. It may not always be done to offend a person, but that is its core purpose.

What’s the best way to deal with making a decision? Challenges will always arise and can interfere with your relationship and with decision making. Knowing some decision-making models may help you decide which model is best suited for your family or relationship and which decision-making models to stay away from.

Compromise: This is where you’re willing to give the other person just enough to satisfy, but you require as much of what you want.

Alternate: This is where, the first time you decide, and the next time, the other person decides. This could be dangerous because sometimes you will not be deciding and if it goes wrong or you’re unsatisfied, then you will easily blame the other person.

Deferment: This is where you almost never make any decision but defer to the other person. It’s where you say, “what do you want to do, I don’t mind whatever we do, I’m good with whatever.” Deferring to the other person means there is some sort of indecisiveness and it takes forever to decide and accomplish things, and that is why you leave the responsibility of decision making to one person.

Divide and Conquer: This is where you split up tasks between men and women. You will stick to the primary roles. An example of this is where men provide the income and women focus on housework and taking care of the children. Everyone has a specialty and it’s important to stick to it. Although you may have primary roles, remember that you still need to be able to adjust when it’s necessary.

Counsel as a Family: Counseling as a family is important. To counsel as a family means to express appreciation and love for each other, pray together, and finally discuss to consensus, meaning, that you will come to one decision. Prayer is important because it helps you know what the Lords will is and what the best decision is. I love the saying that you’re not trying to find who’s right but find the truth. As a family, you are one in purpose and one in unity just like the Godhead or the quorum of the twelve. Make sure to meet at a time that’s good for everyone and consistent. Make sure to provide refreshments to keep everyone happy. Lastly, keep an agenda to be proactive and to help keep everyone on topic.